I contemplated messaging you to ask if I could have a kiss today - it would be the last time I would see you on your own... because this evening and tomorrow would be with Wei - and Sean! I have wondered if you would want to kiss me but you don't even touch me when I visit.
Then I scraped the bottom of the barrel for barely a quarter of an ounce of dignity and decided that I wouldn't. How could i possibly ask. It's like you said - if you wanted to hold someone's hand, you would - it's not good to ask. I agree actually.
And it goes back to my principle - that I should never have to ask - that affection should be freely given. After all, if I was to ask, what would you say? No - and be awkward? Yes - and then kiss me grudgingly?
No - I could never do that to anyone - least of all you. So I sit here - again - and lick the wounds of my broken heart, which like my vulva, just doesn't seem to heal. Maybe it's all related. My body will only heal when my heart does. Great.
I can't wait for my tattoo. I hope the pain of the tattoo will be a catharsis for me. I need it.
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